A Short Conversation with One’s Outer Child

This is an older piece I’ve had kicking around, so I figured I’d plop it up here to show the five of you reading this. The main idea is pretty clear and doesn’t need no stinking set up.


“Now listen up, you.”
“I put a penny up my nose!”
“Wait, what? I don’t even. . . why would you do that?”
“To save up. I wanna buy a firetruck.”
“You know, a bank would be better, you’d get interest. They can set up a little account for you if you ask Mom.  And speaking of Mom, in about a month you’ll get the bright idea to cut off your eyelashes off with pinking shears, don’t. Mom gets mad.”
“I love Mom!”
“That makes two of us.”
“I can spell my name! P-A-. . .”
“. . .U-L, I know.”
“WOW. You’re smart. What’s your name?”
“It’s Paul, like yours. I’m you, from the future.”
“So am I! I’m named like you’re name is named.”
“No, see. I am you. I came back in time, from the future to see you, so we’re both us. At the same time. It’s only possible through time travel.”
“Oh. . . you know the Ghostbusters? I got the gun and the pack and everything, wanna see!?”
“Yes, where is it!? Wait, no. I don’t have time. Another thing to avoid, one of these days, you’re going to try to boil water on the stove in a butter tub, don’t. It dosen’t go well. Dad gets mad.”
“I love Dad!”
“So do I, now this is important. Oh for God’s sake, get you hands out of your pants and stop playing with. . . that.”
“Ummmm. . . with what?”
“Guh. Nevermind. Oh, one last thing, you know how you like to run at the patio door and slam it with your hands because you like the sound?”
“Oooooh yeah. . . FUN!”
“Come back here!”
“Well, one time the door will be open and you’ll fall out. . . Oh God. Stop crying. Why are you crying? Why won’t you stop crying?!”
“But I don’t wanna fall!”
“Then don’t run at the door.”
“Ooooh yeah. . . FUN!”
“God damn it. Come back!”
“Man, you got it pretty good, you know that?”
“One time me and Mom and Dad and Leeanne were camping and Mom didn’t boil water and I got sick and pooped in my pants because my poop was sick.”
“You’re gross.”
“I put a penny up my nose. . .”


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